Nine Reasons NOT to Buy A Chrysler (because 10 is too much)

So you want to buy a Chrysler product huh? Are you nuts? OK, setting that reasoning aside you must have suicidal tendencies or take large amounts of anti-depressants. For those two of you who missed it; Chrysler filed for bankruptcy last week and that means buying an automobile from these guys puts you at risk of all kinds of hell. But if you still insist let me help with nine reasons not to buy a Chrysler:

1. CHRYSLER PRODUCTS SUCK. OK, there I said it. If you think plastic door handles, cracked engine blocks, and goofy designs make great cars then perhaps you need more proof: no current Chrysler, Dodge or Jeep products are recommended by Consumer Reports.

2. BOB NARDELLI. He wasn't good enough to get the top job at GE so he jumped ship. It only took him a couple of years as the head honcho at The Home Depot, but he rapidly tanked them by stripping the stores of workers and letting facilities go to hell. Nice job, Bob. It'll take them years to recover from his work. For that they make him the Big Cheese at Chrysler. Get this: He's gonna be haunting the hallways while the company works out the bankruptcy process. Bob! McDonalds is hiring. How quick can you make the move?

3. WARRANTY? WHAT WARRANTY? The Government says that if Chrysler closes up shop they will honor all warranties. Do you really want your car fixed by the same guys who buy hammers for $1000 and make you wait in line at the DMV for 2 hours?

4. FIAT. I had a Fiat once. Two of them actually. They were the most unfashionable, undrivable, non-repairable pieces of junk produced in the US. Hell, that car even made the Gremlins and Pintos on the road look stylish and dependable. Now Fiat is going to end up the majority owner of Chrysler. Whoooeee! Ping, Snap, Crash...

5. AMERICAN MADE? MAYBE NOT. Previous owner Chrysler-Daimler was a German owned company. Current owner Cerberus is an international company with investments worldwide. Chrysler makes its mini-vans in Canada. Ford's most advanced assembly plant is in Brazil, Chevy's Avalanche and Ford's Fusion come straight out of Mexico. Meanwhile the Toyota Camry is made in Kentucky, BMW's X6 and Z3 are manufactured in South Carolina, and that top selling Honda Accord came out of a plant in Ohio, USA. You get the point.

6. IT’S CAPITALISM AT ITS BEST. You can support Chrysler with your purchase and take your chances. Or you can buy a Ford, get a warranty, a solid automobile, and support a solvent company making better cars.

7. IT'S NOT WHAT AMERICANS WANT IN A CAR. Their product line is not fuel efficient, not small sized, not economically priced. Do we really need more soccer moms navigating these gas guzzling, tough to handle, oversized sport utility vehicles while their other hand is on their cell phone?

8. YOU WANT A WHAT? We all know it takes repair parts to keep our cars on the road. Suppliers are inevitably not going to want to do business with a company that stopped paying their bills. Need a replacement oil pump for a 2009 Chrysler Sebring? Good luck.

9. THE BIG PLAN. NOT. They missed the boat, and now Americans are paying the price with lots and lots of bailout cash. The companies we support with our hard earned tax dollars are the same guys who crank out mini-vans and sport utility monsters while still believing that gas will continue to sell for under $2/gallon. The Chrysler Town and Country is a warted, oversized, fuel eating antique. Is Chrysler made up of brilliant futurists or just so far out of touch with reality that they're waiting for the return of the 50’s?

Party of Planet Jupiter

Never speak about politics in mixed company. It's a sure way to piss someone off.

I'm a Republican. Not the dyed through and through kind. But a registered, actively voting, "go Republican" kind of guy. This week when Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter changed his affiliation to the Democratic party it touched off a firestorm on Capitol Hill and the debate on whether he's moving right to left to assure re-election.

As a child of the 60's and 70's those liberal teachings through school made it easy for me to lean left. Peer pressure didn't make the options easier. An 18 year old Republican either kept quiet or risked being tagged as a geek. You know that Microsoft guy in the current Apple TV commercials? If you were a young republican in 1974 that was YOU. Not cool.

In the 90's the Limbaughian Era opened my eyes to a new way of thinking, more often than not, reflecting my lifestyle and attitude. But Specter's jump stage left this week put a magnifying glass on the Republican party and conservative ideologue that when viewed close up began to scare the hell out of me.

While Democrats jumped head first into our current economic mess with full intentions of stopping the bleeding Republicans are still sitting on their hands. No, I don't mean they're working on a creative alternative fix. OK I'm a businessman but I've never seen business problems fix themselves. Was that the morning I had that bad hangover in college and missed that class of Econ 101? I don't think so.

As global warming becomes determined to give our children an entirely different world than the one we were raised in I watch the GOP denies, resists and fights change. Meanwhile Democratic leaders, despite Al Gore's best attempts to make it look like they have an environmental screw loose, lead the charge of legislative change basing their efforts on the scientific evidence at hand, the visual effects of environment ignorance, and the cry of all of us who have coughed from the smog and the winced at the sight of a polluted stream.

Our future is beginning to bite us in the butt as our longer life span leads to new diseases threatening our lives. Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, cancer. They devastate not only people and their families but the entire health care system and threaten our future economic balance (insert joke about current economy here). Scientists need the full arsenal of testing and research to find the cures and stem cell testing is one of those huge opportunities Republicans just can't grasp the idea of controlled research. Yup, that's my party. The party of "oh what they hell, old people are gonna die anyway..."

Am I missing something here?

Early on Arlen Specter was a Democrat. And like him today, this author and Sen. Specter are both looking for the way home. They'll call us flip-flopper's. But times change, life changes, people change. If being a political flip-flopper means following my values then I guess I'm in good company.

Clear Channel Haze

Another 600 radio folks bit the employment bullet yesterday as Clear Channel Communications Conglomerate took more target practice at their radio properties. To the average radio listener it's a subtle but irritating change in what they'll hear, but it's more of what's being served up this decade; national programming from the satellite homogenizing each community.

While the industry debate will continue about whether Clear Channel understands the impact of losing the local link to it's communities one thing is certain. Listeners don't care. When all of radio serves up slop on a plate it seems that we as listeners just keep chowing down. McDonald's knows that only too well. It's not about quality of the food, it's all about fast and cheap. Radio's the same way: we don't need hearty, nutritional, nourishing programming-just cram that crap into our ears.

And for every radio professional that's spending his day today at the unemployment office it's probably a good bet that you didn't get it either. You were raised on the mantra "it's all about the listener." But you made the mistake in thinking the listener cared. They didn't.

But give Clear Channel credit. They made allot of money for shareholders by jumping into an industry and sucking it dry. With profitability tapped out they're bailing on radio, blaming it on the economy and dwindling listenership. But there is always a new frontier just waiting for that CC business model to work its margin magic.

Yeah, listeners don't care. But did I mention Clear Channel doesn't either.

They're not crazy. They're victims...

Lemme get this straight...University of Louisville Coach Rick Pitino has an affair and the woman who he has an affair with is busting his chops? Wait! Wait! Where's his wife? Shouldn't she be the person doing the screaming not Karen Sypher? If there's a victim in this mess it's Mrs. Pitino.

And while we're at it, what's up with Ms. Sypher's attorney? The word is he helped his client compose the ransom note....errr.....request for financial compensation. Is this guy for real? Has anyone asked him what kind of monetary cut he was to get from this fantasy deal? Let's say 20% of 2 million dollars. That's almost a quarter mil. Wheeeeee!

Put all the spin on this one that you want guys, but in the end it's all about crazy people doing crazy things.